Jealousy and Dog on Dog Aggression

Michael Baugh CDBC

Jealousy is a complex cluster of emotions: anger, fear, uncertainty, and insecurity. If you ask a jealous person what they are feeling, they might have a hard time telling you because they aren’t sure themselves. There’s too much to unpack.

So, what about our dogs? Well, they can’t talk at all. Most of us can tell when a dog is angry. We can see fearful behavior. There are even visible signs of uncertainly and insecurity. Is that jealousy? I think the label is a hard fit for dogs. And I’m not a fan of labels in the first place.

Behavior, in this case dog behavior, is all about verbs. That dog lunged. One dog bit the other. My dog tucked his tail and lowered his head. We observe behavior, identify when it occurs, and then work to change it. Feelings change when behavior changes. We know that for a fact. Is my dog jealous? I don’t know. Regardless, let’s teach him a new pattern of behavior and hope that he feels better.

Most dog fights start over food or food-relate objects. I’ve seen it in street dogs around the world. My dog has guarded treats and bones. Hundreds of clients’ dogs have clashed this way. It’s commonly called resource guarding.

Resource guarding can spread. A dog might aggress toward a housemate dog over a prized sleeping spot, a crate, or a sofa. One’s dog might guard a caregiver and not let another dog approach. Some dogs become sensitive to another dog approaching their own personal space, no matter where they are.

After two dogs have fought a few times, there is a chance they will become so agitated that they fight on sight. The history becomes thick with anger and pain. They simply don’t like each other.

These cases are hard to resolve, not impossible.

Keep the dogs separate unless in a controlled training exposure. We want to protect them from their own unacceptable behavior. When they fight again, they just get better at fighting. It’s up to us to prevent fights at all costs.

Teach calm behavior. A dog who is physically relaxed (example: lying comfortably on a mat) is less likely to behave aggressively.

Safely expose the dogs to each other at a distance while reinforcing relaxed behavior. Progress incrementally.

This is a very abbreviated description of the process. Work with a qualified trainer to do it correctly and to get support along the way. The process is straightforward, but it is certainly not easy. Get help.

Do I think dogs get jealous? Gosh, that’s a hard one. I really focus on the more basic emotions that are linked to observable behavior. Keep it simple.

If using the word jealousy plays a role, maybe it is this. We humans can all relate to feeling threatened. We may fear that another person is going to take what is ours (money, status, a lover). It’s an unsettling feeling. We may become angry. It’s likely we will feel some enmity toward that person. When we share our feelings with a friend, they may say, “You’re jealous.” It’s possible that defining our dog’s behaviors as jealousy opens the door to empathy. We get it. We’ve felt that terror, that confusion, that rage.

Here we stand on common ground with our dog. “You’re having some big complicated feelings, dog. I’ve had those, too. Let me help you.” If a flimsy label (jealousy) leads to empathy, I’m all for it. Stand tall on that common ground. Step up and help you dog, because you know how awful it feels and how unnecessary that behavior is. Who better than you to help? You understand. You’re smart. And you got this.

 

Michael Baugh teaches dog training in Arizona and Texas. He specializes in aggressive dog training

Treat your Chihuahua Like a Mastiff

 

Michael Baugh CDBC CPDT-KSA

Dogs are unique as a species in that they come in such varying sizes. It’s easy to forget, but important to remember that they are all dogs. They are far more similar to each other than they are different. Your Chihuahua is as much a dog as your Mastiff. Same with your Fox Terrier, your Bichon Frisé, and your little designer Schnapingfroodle.

Trouble is, we treat our little dogs differently in ways that understandably lead to aggressive behavior. More than half of the small dog aggression cases I see are related to how the dog is handled. Most of those are owner-directed aggression cases. The way we are touching, holding, swooping in and picking up, poking, prodding and otherwise fussing with our little dogs is causing the problem. We are startling them, scaring them, and pissing them off multiple times per day. We do it when they are playing, when they’re eating, resting, even when they’re sleeping. Our little 8 pound friend is minding her own business. Here we come out of nowhere (20 times her size), yammering away on our iPhone, bag on our shoulder. Then our big primate mit-of-a-hand shovels under her and lifts her airborne without so much as a “good morning, sweetie.”

Think for a minute what that must feel like for her. Seriously. Take a moment and give it some thought.

I’ve literally seen someone flip a small dog off their lap with their knee. Can’t do that with a Mastiff. Wouldn’t dare with a Malinois. But, the Maltese and the Miniature this-or-that is fair game? No. Just because we can do something with our dogs does not mean we should.

It shocks people when their dog bites them. They tell me it was unprovoked. Thing is we are provoking our little dogs every day. It’s not shocking at all. Animals who feel out-of-control and threatened will do what they need to protect themselves. We can relate to that.

Treat your Chihuahua like a Mastiff.

  • If you need your dog to move, direct her visually or verbally (hand targeting is good for this).
  • If you want your dog to get into a car or onto furniture, teach her to use steps or a ramp.
  • Wake your dog up by calling her name.
  • Touch gently.
  • If you must lift your dog, give her fair warning. Pause. Pet. Talk to her. Then lift. (If it’s a Mastiff you’ll need some help).
  • If your little dog has already bitten, you will need to call in help from a qualified dog behavior consultant or veterinary behaviorist. We have some relationship healing to do. The good news is these cases often resolve well. We just need to learn how to behave better so that our dog can too.

Then, gently, pick her up. Give her some lovin’. Put her in that cute handbag. You two are a fabulous couple.

Michael Baugh teaches dog training and behavior. His next dog will be a size small. He and his spouse, Tim, already have the sling carrier picked out.

Can Dogs Feel What We are Feeling?

 

Michael Baugh CDBC CPDT-KSA

It’s called emotional contagion. The idea is that dogs perceive our emotions and then experience an emotional response themselves. Affective empathy takes it a bit further. Dogs can actually feel our emotional experiences. (Karen London PhD, Bark Magazine). It turns out that there’s plenty of evidence to suggest both of these ideas are true. (Google “emotional contagion dogs.” Use google scholar for more in-depth results).

Of course, a lot of us have suspected this for a long time. Many of us routinely experience it. Dogs just get us. They have feelings with us. They are little mirrors into our emotional lives. It’s an amazing thing to witness as a dog behavior consultant. I meet a ton of people and their dogs every year. Sometimes it’s very clear to me that a dog who is suffering emotionally lives with a human who is also suffering. It’s heartbreaking sometimes. It’s also awe inspiring to see such a powerful bond playing out in real time right in front of me.

Folks ask all the time, “is he (the dog) feeding off my anxiety.” Well, maybe. We certainly know our feelings show up in our dogs’ emotional lives. But, the answer, in my opinion, is not to blame ourselves. Too many trainers do that, as if our anxiety is some form of mystical “energy” that we control. Instead, I think we should all make space to compassionately look at the big picture. How is my dog doing? How am I doing? For me this means regular counseling so I can develop and maintain my own emotional and behavioral flexibility. You probably know how passionate I am about our dogs’ behavioral flexibility. The Magazine Psychology Today has a great online resource for finding a therapist that is right for you. Staying emotionally and behaviorally flexible is good for all of us (like yoga for our feelings).

Does this mean we all have to be in therapy? Um, maybe. Does it mean we all have to have our lives in perfect order before we can have a dog or help the dog we already have? No, of course not. In fact, many dogs have emotional and behavioral problems completely separate from our own human issues. The research suggests that our dogs can experience our feeling. It does not say that every dog’s behavior issue (including fear and aggression) is somehow tied to our own disfunction. It’s not. By far most of the clients I meet are joy-filled and highly functioning. And, some of them have grumpy dogs. Remember? No blame.

What does all of this mean for those of us who have dogs with fear, anxiety, or aggressive behavior? We all like some concise tips and I’m happy to add some information to the mix.

Think well of your dog. The things we tell ourselves about our dog are important. Instead of getting stuck in negative thoughts and frustration, let’s remind ourselves of all that is good about our dog. It will help our training. It will also set us up to notice progress as it comes. How we think about our dog is so important. That’s why I list it first.

Choose joy. It’s not always easy but I think it always helps. When we are training let’s make a decision to smile, say kind things to our dogs, and use food. Even though our bigger behavior goals with our dog might be challenging, individual training session can be light and fun.

Take breaks. If you’re feeling tense or angry during a training session, stop. Take a break.  It’s okay. Your dog will definitely sense that tension and anger and it will affect their learning. Take a long break if you need to. We’ve all been there. No blame. Just circle back later.

Let me help. That’s what our journal is for. I’m not qualified to offer human therapy. At the same time I am a fellow human being. I can definitely help us keep things on track with training and offer coaching along the way. Complicated behavior plans related to fear and aggression can sometime feel overwhelming and isolating. Of course, you’re not alone. And, it’s my job to clarify what seems complicated and ease frustration along the way.

One last story. I’ll keep it brief. I learned a long time ago why I gravitated toward helping fearful and sometimes angry dogs. It’s because it helped me. Some of you have heard me joke aloud with your dog, “I get it honey, people scare me too.” Like all jokes there was some truth in that. So, we break things down for our dog; we set them up to succeed; we let them take on new experiences at their own pace; we provide support and feedback to help them. All that feels very familiar to me personally. In time, almost always, feelings start to change little-by-little. In them. In us. What a joy it is to see that happening. What a beautiful lesson it is to experience through our dogs.

Change. It’s the stuff of life. Human emotions reflected in our beloved dogs. The hard work that softens them, that softens us, a team in transition together. It’s amazing how our feelings affect our dogs. But, oh how our dogs affect our feelings. It’s a gift for which I am ever so grateful.

 

Michael Baugh is a behavior consultant and dog trainer in Houston, TX. He works with clients all over North America and specializes in aggressive dog training.